vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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