And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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