hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
