$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
