Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
