Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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