And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
