can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
