3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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