On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
