i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize