Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
