Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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