I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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