wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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