Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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