i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
