There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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