Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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