she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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