dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Randomize
