Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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