it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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