I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
