I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
