Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
