you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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