Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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