like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Come share oat with me in your robe
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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