Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
