I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
