My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
