at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
