I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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