I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
