Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
