420 ftw
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
