Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
They are going to name an STD after you.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize