I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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