I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
there is glitter all over my balls
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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