Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize