the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
there is glitter all over my balls
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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