I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
