I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
