First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize