his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
