Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
