Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
operation harelip BJ is a go
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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