Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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