Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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