My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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