so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
