I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
