Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
