My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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