and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
