Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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