Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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