it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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