party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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