I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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