Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
