sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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