God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
