New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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