pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
