im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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