You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
