the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize