me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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