I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
